Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] What's going on, y'? All? June 13, 2025. I haven't done a personal podcast on Jesus Hilario show, so here is one.
[00:00:10] Let's see. Went to the pool yesterday with my kids, man, I did not want to go. I wanted to stay home and just be lazy.
[00:00:19] But I told my kids, I told my daughter where we're gonna go, so we went.
[00:00:26] And just keeping that promise or keeping my word on doing that is, Is a huge thing, even though it's a small thing, some people may think, but just go. Being able to go do the things that I say with my daughter. So anyways, I guess the topic is going toward narcissism and being a victim of narcissistic abuse. Being adhd.
[00:00:54] Yeah, it just helps me to. I do a lot, I've been doing a lot of research lately on like isolation, how narcissists want to keep you isolated so they can keep you for supply.
[00:01:04] And in my case, I was isolated by a parent, by, by my mother.
[00:01:14] And she would blame the isolation on me, like not wanting to be social or go out and talk to people. Right.
[00:01:23] It's real deep, man. Like codependency and all this other stuff that I've been researching is, it's, it's big in a, in a person's life like mine that has gone through it and finally realizing, oh, this is what it's like.
[00:01:39] And so I've, I've, you know, this has been a while. It's been year, a few years, I don't know, 10 years or more, five years or more where I've, I've decided to go. No contact with my mother, also with cousins that are narcissists and want to use me for supply.
[00:01:58] And I think that also I'm an easy target, probably because I'm adhd add.
[00:02:04] And I think a lot of my self esteem, low self esteem comes from either or. I'm not sure. But I, I know that that low, low self esteem, it's, it's like it isn't until you come out of it that you realize, oh, this is what it is. This is why they chose, chose you. You know, I mean, I had low self esteem. I grew up as a chubby kid. My brother would always like call me fat and make fun of me, you know what I mean? And that was a constant peppering like every day in, in middle school and high school.
[00:02:39] And it just took a toll on me, you know?
[00:02:43] And I want to say that contributed to my low self esteem and then being, getting into A relationship with my mother.
[00:02:50] Not until my. My late teen years, early teen years, where she was making herself presentable because she left my. My brother and I with my dad when we were two or three years old. She left. She's gone. Like, where's mom at? You know, so my mom. I mean, my dad and my stepmom raised me and my brother and, you know, until our teenage years when we decided to rebel and go live with mom and all this other stuff. Right.
[00:03:19] Huge regret. Nowadays, I'm like, damn, why did I do that? You know, And I know I did it because I. I wanted to. And that's the thing with narcissists. They'll give you the stuff that you want. They'll get. They'll tell you the things that you want. They'll let you do the things that you want so that you'll like them, you'll be in their good graces. And then eventually, boom, the hook has been set. They pull the hook, you're hooked. You're like a fish on the hook now. They got you for supply.
[00:03:46] And, you know, and me being naive and young, which is what another thing the narcissists look for. They look for young.
[00:03:54] Young talent, per se, that they could take advantage of, you know, because, you know, like, even in the book of proverbs, it talks about the young person being naive and, you know, believing things, every. You know, things.
[00:04:09] And then eventually they're. They're caught in a snare. They're caught in a trap, and they, you know, they have to figure out how to get out of it, which I'm glad that I figured out. I get out of it. And I think the main thing that helped me get out of it was being. Getting married and having kids.
[00:04:24] So the getting married, right. That was one thing that was taxing on my relationship with the narcissist, because there was. There was. There was. The narcissist tries to use triangle triangulation between you and your wife. My mother was trying to use triangulation between me and my wife, you know, having me go to my. My mom was wanting me to go to her before I go to my wife. That was affecting my marriage. And then my wife was telling me, like, look, you need to come and talk to me. This is our marriage, basically, you know, so that was a huge thing. When then. When I had my. And then that. I guess around that point, I started researching narcissism and toxic behavior and stuff like that, and I started finding this out. I'm like, dude, seriously, this is what's going on? You know, this is why I'm feeling uneasy here.
[00:05:16] In my codependent relationship with the narcissist, which in this case was my mother and my kid, I started seeing that my.
[00:05:27] My mother was wanting to. To be around my kids more and. And was. Now I see that she wanted to use my kids as supply because they're fresh meat, you know, basically, they're fresh talent right. You know, right out of the. Out of the hospital after being born, fresh talent right there to use as supply. And I decided, nope, you're not going to use my kids as supply the way you use me, the way you use every. Basically everybody around you. Because it seems to me like narcissists. Everybody around them is. Is supply. That's how they consider life.
[00:06:00] Because it's. And it's sad that it's sad when I think about it, because I'm like, man, I feel sorry for this person because they're not who, you know, they could be. I don't know. I don't know. I feel sorry for them because they're always looking for supply. They're looking in the wrong places. You know what I mean? I feel. And it's like, I want to pray for them, and I don't want to get to the point where I'm all caught, like, trying to, like, tell them, oh, you need to be like this. You need to be like this. Because I've tried that. If you tried that, it doesn't work. You figure that out, you know, and they'll just. They'll just use that as another entrance to get you as supply, basically. So that's why I chose. Another reason why I chose to go no contact. Because there's no.
[00:06:44] There's no trying to change this person. It's like talking to a brick wall.
[00:06:48] Like you talk to a wall. It doesn't talk back. It doesn't respond. It stays the same. Right? It doesn't move. It's. It's immovable because they're stuck in their. Their narcissistic ways, their narcissistic patterns.
[00:07:00] So just being able to go, no contact has helped me. My marriage. It helps me. It has helped me grow.
[00:07:07] It helps me to realize who I am and who I. Who I've wanted to be all these years as a person.
[00:07:15] And it's very freeing because I'm no longer afraid of other people's opinions because when the narcissist trains you, you know, or they. They use you for supply, they want you to depend on their opinions about yourself. About your life, about whatever you're going through. They want you to look to them and, and want their opinion for your life and for what you're doing.
[00:07:42] And so when I was going through that, I was learning not to listen to my own self, like to just ignore myself to the point where there was none of me left. The only person that was living through me was the narcissist. And that's what the narcissist wants. They want to live their, the rest, you know, their extended life through their supply.
[00:08:05] And I decided no more. Don't. I don't want you to. I want to be myself. And when I decided to go non, no contact, there's. There was a lot of pushback, a lot of guilt tripping, a lot of the old tactics that they used to use to reign me in.
[00:08:21] One thing. And then eventually I saw the person that they really are in through text messages to my wife, text messages to me, flying monkeys. People in my family that they would talk to and tell like, oh, he's being like this toward, you know, narcissist would go and tell my family members, oh, Jesus is being like this towards me. He's a, he's a negative person. La la la. And it sucks because up until that, that point I was real vulnerable with the narcissist. They knew everything about me, you know, even my dark secrets, you know, and it sucks because you don't want to go no contact because, you know, I didn't want to go no contact because I know how they were going to react. They were going to tell, they were going to tell people my, my secrets, my, the stuff about me that I want, I don't want anybody to know. And I feel like that people stay in those relationships because they're for fear of, you know, that stuff getting out. I mean, think about like the, the Diddy trials and stuff that, like that there's people on, on, on the list, you know what I mean, that don't want to be outed because of the secrets that that narcissistic person may have about them, you know, because they know that if they, if they go no contact or, or just say no, then they'll show the video. Oh, well, if you say no, I'm going to show the video of you doing this, this and this. You know what I mean? Basically the same type of narcissistic tactic.
[00:09:43] So I just decided I have to do this and I'm. Thank God that I'm, I was strong enough, you know, with his help to do this to be able to say, no, I'm done.
[00:09:56] I got another. I have a life that I need to live. I need to live for myself.
[00:10:02] Sounds selfish, and it probably is to a certain extent, but I think we need to care for ourselves before we care for where we care for others, because that's the narcissist. What? The thing that the narcissists will do. They'll be like, well, it'll get to the point where you're caring so much for them that you forget to care about yourself, you know, And Christian narcissists will use that against you, like, oh, you're supposed to be selfless. You're supposed to love your neighbor as your. As yourself. You know, whatever, whatever. You're supposed to look to the needs of others and not to the needs of yours. Man, I can't stand the Christian narcissist, which, sad to say, my mother is like that. She's a Christian and a narcissist. Christian narcissist. Go figure.
[00:10:46] So I need to put myself first before I can start caring for others, before I start caring for my immediate family like my kids and my wife.
[00:10:56] I need to look to God first. That's. That's one of my beliefs. I look to God first in how to live. Look. Look to his wisdom in the Bible, how to live. Therefore, I can start teaching my kids in my. You know, and. And helping my wife as she helps me in the word of God to help be better people.
[00:11:15] That makes any sense. So, anyway, thanks a lot, you guys, for listening. This is June 13, 2025. I guess the whole topic was narcissistic. Growing up with a narcissist mother going no contact, and realizing what it's like to be in that type of relationship and getting out of one. Thanks a lot, you guys. Bye.
