Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Check. Test. What's going on, you guys? Just talking about some things that I've learned in marriage. Learned about marriage.
[00:00:07] Marriage definitely is something that you have to work at.
[00:00:12] Cliche. But it's true.
[00:00:15] You have to want to be married, and you have to want to be with your partner forever, you know, till you die, basically, which is my goal.
[00:00:26] And I've been with my wife some 12 years, 13 years, I believe this year, in 2025, she'd probably get upset because I can't remember how many years we've been married, but she did. She doesn't hold on to things like that, you know, which is cool. My wife is very forgiving.
[00:00:47] And, you know, for years, I, I. There's times where I've realized that I've taken advantage of that aspect of not knowingly and kind of subconsciously.
[00:01:00] And it isn't until you actually ask your spouse, like, what am I doing? How am I doing?
[00:01:07] Getting her feedback is something that is dreaded in, like, most marriages.
[00:01:14] Like, asking your partner, like, how am I doing? You know what I mean? How. How am I doing in this marriage? What am I doing that bothers you? You know, coming to the table with that, you know, coming to the conversation table with your, your spouse, with your wife or your husband is something that is difficult for us to do. Excuse me, I was taking a sip of my water there.
[00:01:40] It's something that is difficult for us to do because we're afraid of what we might hear from them.
[00:01:48] We're afraid to hear that we've been doing bad and that we've been treating them wrong.
[00:01:53] You know, and having that conversation definitely helps in your marriage because it helps you to face your, your.
[00:02:04] How you've been towards your partner. It helps you to face that and make changes. That's the good thing about it. It'll help you make changes to your marriage so that your marriage can continue going, moving forward.
[00:02:21] So having to face your fears in your marriage is one thing that you need. That, that I've learned that I need to do often.
[00:02:33] And just noticing. I'm just noticing and recognizing how much my wife puts up with me and my personality. Sometimes. Sometimes I can be, you know, harsh.
[00:02:49] I can be certain ways.
[00:02:52] And she revealed that to me. She showed. She told me that. She retold that to me. You know, I asked her, how am I doing in this area? And she tells me. She's like, this, this, and this. This needs to change. You know, this has been happening for years.
[00:03:06] Here's another aspect that's been happening For a few years. That needs to change.
[00:03:10] You it. And I want to hear. I want to hear those things. Then I don't want to hear them because I'm afraid of what I'll hear, but I do want to hear them because I do want to make a change if I need to, you know, for the sake of my marriage, basically, you know, because marriage is hard.
[00:03:31] There's going to be times when you disagree on stuff.
[00:03:39] You disagree on stuff that you. You might not know that you're doing, you know, so communication is huge.
[00:03:45] Communication is a huge thing.
[00:03:50] And my next point is on finances. When I. Regarding communication, not. Not so much like financial advice, but like when we started talking about our finances, doing a budget together, like, that was a huge community.
[00:04:08] Community and communal and communication adjustment. Adjustment for us because we had to become transparent with what we're spending, how we're spending, how we want to spend in the future, how we want to go about having financial decisions regarding our kids, how to teach them about money. You know, just that aspect alone does. Has worked hugely for my marriage because we're talking about everyday things like money, transactional, financial transaction occur. Transactions occur every day.
[00:04:49] You know, you can get to the point where you spend so much and that you're. You're negative in your bank account. And then, you know, and then you got to go tell your spouse, oh, I went negative. This, this, that, that, that, yada, yada, yada.
[00:05:01] And she can be unprepared if there's not been a budget, if there's not been a conversation about where the money's going.
[00:05:07] You can see, once you start a. A budget, you start talking, then you start to see like, oh, wow, we're actually talking about stuff. You know what I mean? And, you know, and you kind of. It kind of reminds you of back when you first started dating and talking to each other. That's all y' all did. Y' all talk to each other, right? You would talk on the phone. Like, I'm in the era of you have a phone with a wire on it and you talk on the phone, or you have like a cordless phone in the house, and you have that to your ear and you're talking to your, you know, your girlfriend or whatever, you know, but just think back to those days that all y' all did was communicate. You told them about this, you told them about that, you know, and if you built a foundation at the onset of. Of lies and stuff, then eventually it would carry on into your marriage, and then a lot of that will Be exp. Exposed.
[00:06:00] So communication at the onset of your marriage is. Is huge. You got to be transparent. You got to be honest with your spouse. You know, about everything, about your spending habits. And then even the things you're. You're not talking to them about when you're married, they come out how you are. The weird things that make your. Your husband or your wife, like, cringe. Like just little stuff like how you move your nose or how you.
[00:06:28] How you chew. You know what I mean? Just those little things because you spend so much time with them. You know them already. You already know how they were. Like, my wife, it's crazy. She already knows how I'll respond to certain things, and she'll like, mimic what I'm. How I'm gonna respond. Then she'll be like, spot on, like how I respond. It's so cool how she notices stuff like that.
[00:06:50] So just being honest and know going into marriage that it's not perfect that that person is, you know, if you're in it for the long haul, know that that person's going to find out these things about you that you never told anyone.
[00:07:06] You know, it's to that point, point of vulnerability. And then you have to be okay with it. You have to laugh about it. Laugh about those things that, oh, like you didn't want nobody to know about. And she finds out or he finds out.
[00:07:18] It's fine. It's just a part of marriage, right?
[00:07:21] We. It seems like some relationships want to go into marriage.
[00:07:25] Perfect thing, like all the time.
[00:07:28] It's not possible. It just doesn't happen because you spend so much time with that person.
[00:07:34] So just communication is huge in my marriage. And, you know, talking about money, talking about finances, being transparent is huge.
[00:07:45] So marriage is not it. It's like you go into marriage, not. You go into marriage having expectations.
[00:07:54] And then once you start, once you're in the marriage, those expectations change.
[00:08:00] You know, it's like a goal that you set and then you begin toward that goal, and then you realize that the goal moves.
[00:08:08] You know, let's say you're like in a. In a. In water, right? And there's a goal post and it's constantly floating. And sometimes it be. It can be shifted to one direction, shifted to another direction. That's kind of how it. It is in marriage. Like there's a goal for how you want marriage to be, but then sometimes the goal will move by, you know, the waves of life, you know what I mean? The shifting of your thoughts, you know, as you grow mature as a person, that goal will change, you know, so being married is. It's a lifelong commitment. It's a lifelong thing.
[00:08:41] It's not. Once you get there, you've accomplished it. No, it's like you continue that goal setting, you continue that.
[00:08:52] That. That marriage relationship with your spouse. So it never. It's a Never.
[00:08:59] It's a constantly evolving and mutating thing that never stays the same.
[00:09:05] I mean, because you're getting older, you're maturing. What. The thing that I want to change is the way I am toward my spouse. If I'm a certain way that she's.
[00:09:17] That makes her uncomfortable.
[00:09:20] To where it's affecting her mentally. Excuse me, guys.
[00:09:25] To where it's affecting her maybe mentally, like, maybe I'm mentally abusive.
[00:09:31] I want to change that so that it doesn't affect her, you know, so that she can continue to be happy in the marriage, to. To have. To be fulfilled in the marriage. You know what I mean? And same things, too. Like, I want to be able to tell her, look, this is, you know, this is what happened. Like. Like, for instance, we'll go. I'll go back in conversation, during conversation and explain, like, this is why I said this. This is how I'm feeling. You know what I mean? Having those conversations helps both of us grow, you know? And. And I wanted to mention, too, is that marriage is another level.
[00:10:10] I had a. I had a podcast with Creon Martin on my Corpus Christi Originals podcast. We were talking about marriage, and I had brought up the point where I think that marriage is the next level for a single person, because it's another level, in a sense, that you become. You have to become like a servant. You become. It becomes service.
[00:10:33] It becomes you thinking about the other person, you know what I mean? More than yourselves or as yourself.
[00:10:41] Like, as yourself in a sense that, like, treat others how you like to be treated type of thing.
[00:10:49] So it's a selfless. It's a selfless thing to get into a marriage because it's no longer just yourself. It's you and another person.
[00:10:56] So it's the. I think it's the next level for a person whenever they get married, after they're single, it's the next level because you're changing and continuing to evolve. The thoughts you had as a single person becomes selfish in a marriage, you know what I mean? Because you have somebody else, you have a partner that you have to go through life with, and. And it's no longer just you having those selfless thoughts, selfish thoughts, you know?
[00:11:22] I mean, I'm not saying being single is wrong, but I'm just saying it comes to a point in your singleness where you're like, you know, say you, you have, you have a job, you have, you have a house, you know, just ideally, right?
[00:11:33] You're single up to a point where you, you have your career, you have your house, you have everything. You're to the point where like, okay, now I need to share this with somebody. And then you get married. That's the next level, that's the next step. And marriage, I believe is, is instituted to be with that person for the rest of your life. So you can imagine what the vetting process should look like.
[00:11:56] Should look like if you prance be with that person for the rest of your life, right?
[00:12:01] So you have to vet them very well and know them very well before you get into a marriage. And don't just let it be a superficial thing at the onset.
[00:12:11] You have to have depth to it when you're deciding who to marry.
[00:12:15] But it's definitely the next level. And then the next thing is like having kids, right? That's another level. That's a whole another level. Cuz you have your wife. Like in my instance, I have my wife and then I have two other human beings and at the moment to two children right now it was like, dude, I have myself, my wife and then my kids to think about constantly, you know, to have on my mind always. So you can imagine the level of maturity and selfless, selfless unselfishness that may come with that if you're striving to be a good husband and a good father.
[00:12:53] So marriage has taught me a lot of things. This is just my spiel for October 13th, 13th, 2025.
[00:13:02] Just planning to do a blog post or a video blog post more often. We'll see if I'll do it maybe three times a week, one once every once every day. I mean we'll see what happens. But I'm trying to do this every mean consistent with this and then put it in a blog post and then eventually have a community of people that have, that are of like mind that talk about this real stuff, you know. And I think it's important being in marriage, wanting to be in marriage for the long haul.
[00:13:40] I think it helps society. You know, my parents are divorced. Divorce is huge in, in, in our society nowadays and people can just think of marriage as something that can be, you can get out of, right?
[00:13:55] They, they think they can get in. I'm not sure if that's what they think, but this is Just for me, looking on the outside, I think that they're like, I can get into a marriage knowing that I can get out of it at any time.
[00:14:06] Which you can, right? That's your personal decision.
[00:14:10] But, but the moral, the moral, like the, the, the people that want to be married are getting into it knowing that there's no way out. Like, the only way through it is forward through the marriage until you die. You know, that's, that's. That type of mindset is what I'm striving for and what I think people nowadays should strive for, regardless of governmental incentives or, or any other incentives that. That makes people want to leave a marriage.
[00:14:42] You know, I think the people should stay together until they die, basically. And that's something that I'm striving for in my marriage. So hopefully that helps you guys. Anyways, thanks a lot, you guys, for watching. I'm Jesus Hilario.
[00:14:58] Stay tuned for some more. Check out the blog post that's in association with this. I basically take this transcript, clean it up, and put it in a blog post if you want to check that out as well. Thanks a lot, you guys. Bye.
