Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] One thing I notice about people who are narcissistic and me myself having adhd, it's just, I think this could be in general, not so much people being adhd.
[00:00:16] I think it just this. I think it. This topic involves narcissism and boundaries.
[00:00:23] Could be with a family member, just anybody in general.
[00:00:27] And this is just the things that I've learned from narcissistic coaches and people that I watch online, doctors that I watch online is that boundaries are a huge thing.
[00:00:43] And narcissists constantly try to test your boundaries to see how much they can get, to see how much supply they can get, how much they can get away with.
[00:00:56] And being in a relationship with you, whether it's boyfriend, girlfriend, or just work relationship, friend, relationship, cut, family relationship, they constantly test your boundaries to constantly see how far they can get. And we have to understand.
[00:01:17] We have to understand what. Where our boundaries are.
[00:01:22] We have to understand, you know, how far are we going to let this person take it? You know, what are our personal boundaries? Our personal boundaries are basically what we can feel when we feel something is not.
[00:01:37] If we don't automatically want something for them to do, we should say something.
[00:01:44] And for people like myself who are adhd, a lot of times we don't have time to think before something happens, right? So we have to constantly, like, backtrack and be like, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on.
[00:02:06] And. And there's. And one of the ways to set a boundary is to. After we've said yes, okay, you can cross this boundary without even thinking about it. Because people with adhd, especially if they're, like, carrying people, they automatically, okay, yeah, go ahead.
[00:02:24] But then if we think about it and we're like, wait, wait, wait a minute. I don't want you to cross that boundary. Don't be afraid to go back and be like, hey, hold on. I know I said yes. I rethought about it, and my decision is no, there's nothing wrong with doing that. So there's. There's no. There's no.
[00:02:41] There should be no shame in going back on your decision if you've made. Made it like that. Just go and tell the person, look, I know, I know I said yes to this.
[00:02:52] I. I've given it a little bit more thought and I decided no after. All, right? And then of course, the narcissist is like, well, you said they'll. They will try to gaslight you and be like, well, you said yes. Well, you know, and just tell. Just be firm and be like, I said no. You know, the answer is no. Instead. Okay, can you please step back from this boundary? Basically, whatever the boundary is.
[00:03:18] I own, like, I own places, I own properties. And I noticed this in people.
[00:03:23] They want to see how much they can get. It's like your property. They want to see how far they can get inside your property without you saying something. There was a guy in my property the other day, and I had to basically set a boundary and be like, dude, the. The. The street's over there. What are you doing on my property?
[00:03:44] And the guy, I think he was narcissistic because he was acting like he didn't hear me.
[00:03:50] And then I yelled. I, I got, I raised my voice. Who are you, dude? Why? What are you doing? My own property. And he just, like, pretends to, like, look on the ground and he's like, oh, I'm looking for something.
[00:04:02] And so I, I had to get a. A weapon.
[00:04:07] So as soon as I got a weapon, I banged it on. There was a trash can nearby. Banged it on the trash can.
[00:04:15] Loud, like, right there where he was. And that got his attention. And I was like, basically saying, hey, dude, the boundary line is over there. What are you doing over here?
[00:04:26] So we have to do that with. With a person that we first, like, if it's a narcissist that we first meet, obviously they're not, they're not going to be.
[00:04:39] They're not going to be, like, outright, like, vulgar about, like, crossing your boundaries. But they're like, sometimes they'll be charming about it. Oh, it's just a little. You know what I mean? They'll use charming words and, you know, you'll think they're. That their motives are innocent because they're. They're coming across. They're coming at you, like, real nice and sweet and stuff like that. That's. That's the, the danger of being in narcissistic relationship is that the person that you first meet, they can be real sweet to you. They can sweet talk you. There's another guy that I know.
[00:05:14] He seemed like a real sweet person. You know, the way he would talk and smile and. And have charisma and charm.
[00:05:24] At first it's like, oh, okay, this is nice. It's cool. Yeah, you're a cool guy. You're cool. You know, you can, you can go ahead and cross this boundary right here. We can talk a little bit more about this. Whatever, whatever. And then eventually the person got to where they were so comfortable past that boundary that they became obnoxious, they became rude, and then at that point I'm like, dude, I let you in this boundary and now you're being rude and you want to keep going past the boundary. I'm just like, wait, wait a minute, we gotta stop it right here, bro.
[00:05:58] There's no more of that. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Whatever. And then of course they'll be like, well, what happened? You know what happened? The best thing I, the best thing I found out to do is don't just, just don't even give them a reason. Because if you give them a reason, they're going to turn it back on you. They're going to turn it back. Well, you said this and you said that. Or I did, you know, or, or I did this for you and now you're doing this for me. So just stand firm and be like, if, you know, they, they can, they've crossed your boundary and you want them to, to remove themselves from that boundary. You just be firm and tell them, look, I thought you, I thought you were cool. I thought this was happening and then eventually this happened. Tell them the facts. Give them the facts. Don't tell them, oh, well, you this because of this and just give them the facts. They're going to try to gaslight you and just be like, that's that. There's nowhere else for this conversation to go. There's nowhere for this relation to go. You're over there, I'm over here. This is what we're going to do. You decide. You have the opportunity to decide that you don't want to have a relationship with this person anymore.
[00:07:02] So setting boundaries is, is important when it comes to being in relation with people who are narcissistic.
[00:07:13] And we need to be able to be firm. We need to know where the boundary is and be like, okay, I, I don't want you to go this far. Stop right there. That's it. You know, and talking about, and these are, these are just, just things that I see of narcissists in general. They definitely want to test your boundary. And if you're in the workplace, it's difficult because you have to work with that person.
[00:07:39] So.
[00:07:40] And they're going to gaslight you and they're going to have flying monkeys. Flying monkeys are people that basically that they talk to and, and they, they sweet talk those people and those people like give in to their, you know, their charisma and all this other stuff. And so they start saying bad stuff about you and they start believing them. And then you know, you can't really do nothing at that point because they're in cahoots with each other. You know what I mean? So you have to just be like, all right, cool. This is. This is how they think about me. And the way I go about it is just by doing my job, doing the things that I need to do. Cover my butt, you know, cover. Cover my. Myself in a sense that, like, if something happens, make sure that you're covered. Oh, like, do your job. Do you, you know, basically cross all the T's, dot all the I's, in on your, you know, in your work ethic and what you do at work. That way, if they come back on you, oh, you didn't do this. I got documentation. Here it is, right here. This is what I did this time, this day. Whatever, you know, however you want to cover yourself.
[00:08:42] So that way you can keep your jog, basically. Because sometimes the flying monkeys and the narcissists are in management positions and they just. They. They don't like you. They. They know you're onto them. Sometimes they just. They just want to get rid of you, you know, for.
[00:08:57] They don't want to be exposed. Whatever. Whatever the reason, the narcissist has to not want you around because.
[00:09:03] More on that topic, as far as narcissists knowing that, you know, when they know that, you know, it's. It's. It's a. It's a weird relationship. It's a weird relationship at that point.
[00:09:20] So to get to the point where it's like, you're still kind of working with each other, like at a job or whatever, what I do is I make sure to be. Be pleasant, be gentle, be pleasant, be gentle and draw a firm line of where the boundary or draw a firm line of where the boundary is in relation to them, to you, you know, just can, you know, they try to come. Come at you and to do something that's past your boundary, set that boundary with them, set it firm, get. You know what I mean? Just do what you need to do to set that boundary. Gentle, be graceful, be respectful, and above all, respect yourself in that sense and be able to set that boundary, because it's gonna happen.
[00:10:11] That's. That's another thing.
[00:10:14] It's going to happen. These narcissists are going to test your boundaries every day. Every day. You got to be on your toes. You got to be on it before you leave the house. If you're into prayer and stuff like that, pray for yourself before you go out there, because it's It's a constant battle. It's an everyday thing. There's, there's people like that everywhere. You have to constantly be on your toes, constantly be thinking, where's, you know, where are my boundaries? How do I respect myself? What do I want for myself in relationships with people? You know, we have to constantly just be, be on top of it because sometimes you could forget about it and then it'll just, it'll just hit you like that. Somebody will be narcissistic towards you and you're just, you're on, you're, you were unsuspecting at that point. And then they're, they're, you know, they cross your boundary without you just, you know what I mean? Because when you're, when you're adh, add, adhd, you can get like that. You can get to a point where you're comfortable where, where you're at.
[00:11:18] You're not allowed. We're not around a lot of people. You know, we've, we're hyper focused on things. And then when we go out in society, somebody crosses our boundary or whatever, or somebody's mean to us, or somebody's rude to us, or somebody is just, you know, whatever, you know, whatever bad toward us, it'll just hit us and we'll least expect it because we've been in our little bubble, our little hyper focus of what we're doing. So it's like we have to, I think that's a good thing for people with ADD and ADHD to get out into society. Whether it's going to the grocery store, going to church or meetups or whatever, where to the gym where other people are there because you're, you're building that muscle of being able to respect yourself and setting boundaries and because people will talk about you behind your back. Like if they know you're on the, on the spectrum, they're going to talk about you behind your back. Because we have just, we just have a certain look to us. We carry ourselves differently. So we're easy, we're an easy target because we have boundaries basically. And people, we have boundaries. We have a sense of self. And some people want to cross that and be like, no, you don't have that sense of self, not around me. You know, that's basically the type of attitude that they have. And you have to be like, like, I am going to be like this in front of you. I know how you are. I know the type of person you'll be toward me regardless. I'm still going to be like this. I'm not going to stop being myself. I'm not going to stop doing me because of you. Because that's what they want you to do. They, if they see you successful, they see you doing, doing your thing, they don't want you to do that because they're not there. They want that. You know what I mean? So it kills, you know, a narcissistic person or somebody that's unsuccessful whenever they see somebody like us that's on the spectrum being successful, you know, breaking the norm, going against the grain, you know, knowing that we dress a certain way, look a certain way, carry ourselves a certain way.
[00:13:26] They, a lot of people are, they don't like that they did it. You're. You're a threat to them because you're the authentic. You're the authentic that they want to be. I believe could be wrong. Leave a comment if you think I'm wrong or if you think it's flip, just let me know. But, yeah, thanks a lot, you guys, for listening. I'm still, I'm trying to do a podcast a week. One podcast a week. And it seems like it's been on the topic of ADHD and having and being in narcissistic relationships or dealing with narcissists having adhd. I do talk about finances and stuff like that in other videos because I'm debt free.
[00:14:05] I do a budget and I think that's important for people in general. So we'll see where this podcast goes. We'll see where these talking points go. Thanks a lot, you guys, for watching. Subscribe, like, share. Appreciate you all. Bye.
