Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello, everybody. January 10th, Friday, 2025. We're talking about boundaries and narcissism and being ADHD. Those are the things that I've been talking about lately.
[00:00:12] So I'm adhd, have been for years.
[00:00:15] And specifically talking from a. I live in South Texas.
[00:00:22] My last. Miss. My last name is Hernandez Hernandez.
[00:00:26] So as you can imagine, the type of family or culture that I grew up, grew up into, there's a lot of. There's narcissists in every race, in. In every. In all humanity, no matter the culture, no matter the race, right? So particularly for me, me living in South Texas, there's narcissism in the cultures down here.
[00:00:51] And when you grow up in a family kind of like mine, where your father has like, like 10 siblings, 11 siblings, 12 siblings. I basically have like 13. 12 to 13 aunts and uncles, right? And my dad grew up in a big family.
[00:01:11] His family, which is my. My dad's family and my mom's family, they divorced when I was younger. It's a little bit smaller, right? But we still. We used to always go to. To grandma's house, right? Where all the cousins, all the uncles and aunts would be there.
[00:01:28] And even just outside from that, there's. There's this culture that there is, you know, among Hispanics or Mexican Americans, whatever you want to call us, however you want to label us, or however I want to label it. Anyway. Anyway, sorry, I get off on tangents, guys. My ADHD gets in the way, but in those cultures, there's narcissism, right? And I made a post the other day saying that family will use. The guys of family members will use the guise of family quote unquote, for their narcissistic supply, to get narcissistic supply from other members of their family.
[00:02:09] So. And we're led to. We're led to. A lot of us are raised to be like, oh, their family, you know, we use that phrase. But their family, you know, if they do something that's. That's out of line, that crosses your boundary or, you know, just not, you know, it could be just something small, not. Not, you know, but it's still an abuse, you know what I mean? It's still an emotional abuse to say a young kid whose boundaries are being crossed by their uncle or their aunt, you know what I mean? A young. A young niece or nephew that has their boundaries crossed by their aunt or uncle, you know, and. And we know from. From re. From these coaches, narcissistic coaches, and even personal experiences that narcissisms they. They. Once they cross a boundary, they. They keep going until. Until they get what they want, until they get their supply. So basically, they cross boundary, and then the boundary will be pushed back because we allow it to be pushed back. And the kids, the. The small kids, they're. They're. They're. They will be told by their mother and father, oh, that's your uncle. Their family. You know what I mean?
[00:03:22] And it could get to the point where there's abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, you know, And I think that's a lot of the reason why societies and cultures have abuse, you know, sexual abuse and allow it to go on because of the notion of family or culture or whatever, you know, whatever they're trying to cover up.
[00:03:48] And I'm bringing this up because I. I wasn't abused. I was emotionally abused. I was never sexually abused, physically abused, though I do pray for those who have been by a narcissistic family member. You know, it's. It's not a good thing. It's very. It's a very sad thing.
[00:04:08] But emotional abuse came for me from. On my part, from. From, like, say, my mother mostly, and there are cousins that I do know that constantly would try to push that boundary. And growing up, you, unsuspectingly, you don't know. Like, you don't know. You just think that it's normal. Oh, this is how family is. They're allowed to come into my house. They're allowed to eat my food with me. They're allowed to see my kids with. You know what I mean? That. That's a. That's a. It's. It's like a given in my culture. Like, okay, they're family, all right, welcome them in.
[00:04:48] And then little by little, as I grew older and more wiser, I started to realize as a group, Older and wiser as a father and as a husband, that I do want boundaries from my family. Because think about it. Once. Once. Once you. You grow into the point where that narcissistic family member, you're not giving them supply anymore. They start throwing a fit, they throw a tantrum, you know, and so when I got wiser, I was just like, wait a minute, I got a boundary here. Because, like, it's right here. Like, don't cross it, you know, and then they. They use their old tricks. Oh, but this. But that. You know, try to sweet talk you into where they were past that boundary, and you're like, no, wait a minute. No, it's right here. When you try to set that boundary, and then you do set it, they get upset with you, they get angry with you. They, they leave, they go tell other family members, oh, he didn't, he didn't let me do this or he didn't let me do that. And then you become, you become the, the enemy or the, the, the person in the, in the family that's like, oh, don't go around them, they won't let you do this. You know what I mean? They'll be talked about by the narcissist. So the narcissist members to become flying monkeys. A flying monkey is a person that just listens to the lets. The lets. The narcissistic family member always get what they want. They're the ones that are always listening to them saying, yeah, you're right, that, that could, that family member, we shouldn't trust them. You're right, those are flying monkeys.
[00:06:23] So that it sucks because you don't want to be talked about in your family. You know what I mean? You grew up to love your family. I mean, I did, you know, I, I was just, I, I'm a very loving person and I'm just like, yeah, family, you know. But then it got to the point where I was like, I do love my family. However, I have boundaries and if basically the family, the other family members should respect my boundaries. Like I respect your boundaries, you know what I mean? But you don't respect mine. That this is weird here. This is a weird relationship. So setting boundaries is important.
[00:07:00] We need to do it for ourselves, for our mental health, for our mental well being. And we needed to set a boundary knowing that there are consequences, that the family member will talk bad about us, that they will gaslight us, they will try to do whatever they can to get their narcissistic supply. Now I've gotten to the point where I've said no to my, those family members that want what they want from me, they want supply for me, they want to use my kids for supply. They want to try and use triangulation between my wife and I, you know, and, and pit us against each other.
[00:07:36] So after doing, after setting boundaries and, and saying no, and there was a lot of gaslighting, there was a lot of push back and eventually they're gone. Eventually they, they, they find, you know, all that, all that talk about you amongst the family, it's past, you know what I mean? Eventually other family members that are kind of attuned to this will see, see the narcissistic family members for what they are and so they'll start to Realize, like, this person is actually like that, you know, so past that point, right? They go and find other supply. They. Whether it's within their family or outside their family, they go and try to find other supply. Whenever you stand your ground, stand your ground for. Excuse me, Stand your ground until.
[00:08:30] Just always stand your ground. Because once they leave, they'll leave for months, years at a time, and then eventually they'll try to come back.
[00:08:38] And when they try to come back, and I've tried to let them back in my life, you know, I've tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and come to find out they haven't changed.
[00:08:48] It's like, bro, it's been months and years, and you. You still haven't figured it out. You still haven't figured out that I don't, I don't. I don't want you to cross this bound, you know, and it's. It's sad because you're like, dude, why don't you change? You know, but. And it's sad because I have to come to the realization that, like, they're never going to change. They're not going to change. They're always going to want supply for me. They're always going to cross that boundary that I have to get what they want. They. They don't want to respect my boundary. They don't want to respect the things that I own. They don't want to respect me.
[00:09:25] I. I gotta. I gotta keep them cut off. I gotta keep them cut off and continue with mine. Of mine, mine and my own, with my family, with my kids. Keep teaching them the right way, the right direction, and that's that, you know, And I. I'm trying. I'm even growing my own family. I'm like, man, I hope none of us are like that. I hope we continue to grow to where we are, you know, good people, according to God's word. Because I'm a believer in God and I hope that I'm growing my kids according to how God wants me to raise them scripturally and through the help of his Holy Spirit. That's. That's what I believe.
[00:10:07] But anyway, y'all, thanks for joining in for this podcast episode. It's only. It's about 10 minutes long. And, yeah, if this helps out, share it. Like it. Leave a comment. Thanks a lot, you guys have a good one. Bye.
