Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] When it comes to setting boundaries with a narcissist in your life or somebody that is trying to overstep your bounds at the onset of just knowing them, getting to know them, it takes a, it takes a huge amount of courage to say no.
[00:00:16] If, if you're changing, like if you had to, if you're learning about narcissism and, and you're having, and you're having to change those old ways, it's difficult at first because you feel like you're going against the grain by saying no and setting a boundary.
[00:00:33] Because through all those years, say you had a narcissistic mother, narcissistic relationship.
[00:00:38] They were always, your bounds were always crossed and always stepped over, always pushed back.
[00:00:43] So whenever you finally put your foot down to say no to a boundary being crossed or set, it's going to be, it's going to be hard because you're not used to it and it's going to feel weird at the same reason it's not used to, you're not used to it.
[00:01:01] So just know that that weirdness or that awkward feeling is, is normal if you're trying to change it in your life.
[00:01:12] So, and the more you develop that particular muscle of saying no to somebody trying to cross your boundaries, the ease the, the less it will feel like friction.
[00:01:25] The more you, the more you do it, the more you exercise that, that particular part of yourself of saying no to, to different boundaries being crossed.
[00:01:36] Another topic I can talk, talk about is being gaslit. Somebody gaslighting you and trying to get you to be self conscious about yourself.
[00:01:47] Gas. Having somebody gaslight you and telling you what to think, what to feel, how to feel is.
[00:01:56] It's uncomfortable and you think it's normal.
[00:02:01] But then once you get out of that cycle, then you start to see, oh, this person's gaslighting right me right now.
[00:02:10] Once you notice that, then you can be able to set a boundary and be like, like, no, like, get away. Whatever you have to do to ask that person to get out of your, get out of your space because they're going to try to challenge you.
[00:02:25] If, if you're used to people crossing your boundaries before they've already know what to do to continue to cross that boundary if you tell them no.
[00:02:34] So you got to stick to your guns. You got to say no.
[00:02:37] You know, look at them in the face, look at them in the eye and be like, I'm uncomfortable talking about this.
[00:02:43] You know, whatever. You don't have to be rude. You just, just be firm. That's all that's what you have to do.
[00:02:48] And these people will get it. They'll get it.
[00:02:54] Most times they will. They will not understand, but they'll see, like, okay, this guy obviously doesn't want me to cross this boundary, but believe me, they will test your boundary. They will. They. It's inevitable. It's going to happen.
[00:03:10] So I've spent most of my. A lot of my life, like, wanting to be away from people to try to avoid that. Me having to say no or having to stick up for myself because it's. It's. It's uncomfortable.
[00:03:28] And the narcissist is going to test, you know that and understand that that's how life is. It's just going to happen.
[00:03:39] And we need. You need. We need to develop that skin to where, okay, we're gonna go out there, we're gonna know that this stuff is gonna happen, and we need to be prepared to face it head on.
[00:03:55] The thing that I notice is whenever I face it head on, it feels uncomfortable. At the onset. You get those butterflies in your stomach.
[00:04:05] However, after that moment passes, you're at peace with yourself. You're like, yes, because you've stuck up for yourself and. And that relief comes upon you.
[00:04:18] You're sort of proud of yourself. Like, wow, cool. You know, man, that. That's a test. That's a. That's a battle won.
[00:04:27] Mark it off. Mark it off in your. In your mind.
[00:04:30] Boom, here's a battle one next, on to the next.
[00:04:36] And for me, I come across it every now and then, like at work and stuff. I don't talk to a lot of people at work, but then every now and then, they'll come. That one dude, that one person that wants to. That wants control.
[00:04:53] The narcissist wants control. They want control of you. They want control of the situation. They want to. You. You. They want to be in control.
[00:05:01] The narcissist wants to be in control.
[00:05:05] Has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.
[00:05:10] A lot of times we can make it about us. Like, oh, how? What's wrong with me? What did I do?
[00:05:17] Those are all those negative things that used that. That the narcissist, when. If you were raised by one, they come into your mind, I did something wrong, all this stuff. But no, you're. You're not doing anything wrong. We have to understand that we're not the ones at fault. They are.
[00:05:35] Their minds are the ones that are playing tricks on them. It's them may not seem like it on the outside because they're trying to put up this facade, they're trying to put up this fake.
[00:05:47] But we know what the narcissist is like because we have this knowledge for us.
[00:05:55] So if at all you're feeling like I'm the problem, don't think that you're not the problem.
[00:06:02] You're not the problem.
[00:06:04] You're. You're the one that is being sane about this and keeping, wanting to keep in wanting to keep boundaries. You're the one is being sane in this and wanting to keep boundaries with the narcissistic person in your life or that person that's trying to cross your boundaries. If the person respects your boundaries at the onset, then you might make a friend. Then you might have to have somebody, a colleague that, that, that is working alongside you, what or in, in the scene you're in or at work or at home or whatever, in your family, whatever.
[00:06:43] Because those people that are your colleagues in a good sense to within that cross, trying to cross your boundaries and stuff, they believe me, they see it too.
[00:06:54] They see it too. They see how that person is and, and sometimes both of you will talk about that person, be like, is this person like this with you? La la. And then come to find out they, they, they're on the same page as you. The person you and their colleague are thinking about the, the narcissistic person, like yeah, he is like that.
[00:07:14] Whatever, whatever. And, and you have a commonality with a co worker with somebody in your scene, yada, yada, what have you.
[00:07:24] So stick to your guns.
[00:07:28] What else can I talk about regarding the narcissistic person or dealing with narciss.
[00:07:38] Yeah, don't let them bully you. A lot of times they will bully you. They'll try to bully you into, into, into.
[00:07:45] They'll try to bully you into, into a corner to make you do what they want you to do.
[00:07:50] And if it's not working for them, you're saying no, you're setting, you're putting your foot down, you're setting a boundary.
[00:07:56] They throw a fit, they throw a tantrum. They try, they talk about you behind your back.
[00:08:02] They talk about other behind your back.
[00:08:04] So here's some key things, some things that you can do, some actual practical things that you can do in dealing with a narcissist.
[00:08:12] You can say to them, you can gray rock. Gray rock is you be the most boring person on earth to them.
[00:08:21] Yes, no, yes, no answers, short answers, brief answers to the point to where they're gonna know, okay, I'm not gonna get supply from this Guy. Eventually they'll try to find supply somewhere else.
[00:08:32] But don't forget, they'll try to come back.
[00:08:35] You can. So gray rock, right? Short answers, yes, no questions, whatever, whatever.
[00:08:43] Another thing, some other things you can say is if you're online or whatever, they're trying to force their opinion on you, you could just tell them.
[00:08:54] Interesting perspective.
[00:08:58] Thank you for commenting.
[00:09:01] Just leave it at that or don't even say nothing back. A lot of times it's difficult to do, but don't respond, don't respond to them.
[00:09:10] They want to get a rise out of you.
[00:09:12] The narcissist wants to get a rise out of you. They want to get, they want to make, they want you to be, they want you to look like the problem.
[00:09:22] Narcissist wants you to look like the problem.
[00:09:25] Because they don't want to look like the problem.
[00:09:28] They, they're, they're the best looking person in the world. In their eyes. That, that's what, that's what they're trying to maintain.
[00:09:35] So if you go online and you respond to them back the way they want you to respond, they got you, you, you failed. You know what I mean? Because you're, because you're, you're, you're feeding into debate. They throw that bait out there like a fisherman.
[00:09:53] Who can I catch today? Who can I make look like an idiot today? Who can I make look worse than me?
[00:10:00] Because a narcissist is, they're, they're, they're like black on the inside. Like they're, and it's almost sad to the point for me, when I'm thinking about them, like, man, I feel sorry for this person.
[00:10:15] Doesn't mean I'm going to be their friend. Doesn't mean I'm going to try to try to change them because I've tried that before in the past. If you try to change a narcissist, it's not going to work.
[00:10:26] It's not going to work.
[00:10:28] You may think you're changing them and you may go along with their, their antics just, just to try to help them, but they're just, all they're doing is making you a worse person.
[00:10:44] So don't try to change them.
[00:10:45] Don't try to change the narcissist.
[00:10:48] They're not going to listen.
[00:10:50] They haven't listened up until this point. They're 20, 30, 40 years old. What makes you think they're going to listen to you?
[00:10:57] We don't have, I mean, we don't have like freaking Gandalf senses, you know, wizard senses. Where we can, like, ooh, you know. No, like, it's. It doesn't work like that.
[00:11:11] So don't try to change the narcissist.
[00:11:16] Don't respond to them if you know that they're trying to bait you. If you know that they're trying to beat you. Put your phone down. Throw your phone to the other side of the room.
[00:11:25] Leave it alone. Go cut the grass. Go read a book. Go do something. Ride a bike, watch a TV show.
[00:11:33] Leave it alone.
[00:11:35] Delete, block. Whatever you got to do to get that person out of sight, out of mind.
[00:11:41] Trust me, it's better for you. It's way better for you than to play into their games. If you play into their games, you're. You're wasting time for yourself. You're wasting time.
[00:11:53] You're a content creator. You could be creating content.
[00:11:57] You know, you're a musician. You could be practicing. You're wasting time with this person, a real person that is not narcissistic, will respect your boundaries and let you do you.
[00:12:15] Don't respond to them. Let me see, what else can I give you? If you got any, anything, any ideas that you think I can help you with, let me know in the comments or leave a comment so I can respond.
[00:12:29] What else have I done in response in responding to the narcissist? Practically go no contact. Of course, that's the. That's another one.
[00:12:42] No contact. Meaning if you're going to do this, if you're going to go no contact. If you're going to decide to go no contact, then go no contact.
[00:12:53] They're going to kick and scream.
[00:12:55] They're going to try to. Try to make you seem like you're the problem because you're not answering their calls, because you block them on social media. They're going to try everything to bring you back. And the reason why they're going to try to bring you back is because you have been supply for them and you're taking away supply from them. And they do not like that. They do not have their supply taken away, and they're going to do whatever they can to keep that supply.
[00:13:22] So when you go no contact, get ready for a storm.
[00:13:27] It's not easy.
[00:13:30] It is not easy to go no contact.
[00:13:33] The good thing is there's light at the end of the tunnel.
[00:13:38] Remind yourself why you're going no contact. In the first place.
[00:13:42] This person has not been good for me this many years.
[00:13:46] This. This relationship has made me feel less than myself. My boundaries have been crossed.
[00:13:55] Remember all the reasons why you're deciding to go no contact in the first place, write it on a piece of paper and look at it.
[00:14:03] This is why I'm going no contact because there's going to be a storm when you decide to make that decision. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, they're going to be texting you, calling you, leaving messages, talking to other people about you behind your back.
[00:14:18] Get ready for it.
[00:14:21] So anyways, there's some more advice, some more information about narcissism and dealing with narcissists in your life.
[00:14:31] It's an ongoing thing, you guys.
[00:14:34] And if you've listened to the video up until this point, leave like subscribe and share. Share the share the content. Leave a comment of what you'd like me to cover as far as my experience in dealing with nurse people that are narcissistic. I'm also add adhd, a bit autistic on the neurodiverse spectrum.
[00:14:53] So if you're like me, you can definitely relate. Let me know. Appreciate you guys. Y' all have a good night. Have a good one. Bye.
