Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Finding out about what narcissism is has changed me, has changed my thoughts on people in my life, especially people that are. That have been close to me, like family members.
[00:00:11] My real mother is that way. I had to decide to go no contact for the sake of me, my family, my kids around, being around her. It was a cousin that I let into my life and, And I let him stay in one of the properties that I own.
[00:00:34] You know, he paid rent and stuff like that.
[00:00:37] Dude was like this as well. He was a narcissist as well.
[00:00:42] Had. I had to cast. I had to basically go no contact with both of them or keep a distance from them. Right? And it was. And it's not. It wasn't an easy thing for me to do. It was difficult for me to do because they're my family. You know what I mean? I'm raised. I'm raised to. To think like, oh, they're family, you know, that we got to take care of each other. They love me, I love them, whatever. But in cases like that, narcissist, nars, people that are narcissistic will take advantage of that and use it. Use it against you, which is. Which sucks. You know, if you have a family member that is narcissistic, it's. It sucks because if you grew up with them, you. You don't know like, that you're growing up with it, you know, and, and they're. They're training you in the way. In the ways that they'll. That. That they'll have supply. They'll continuously have supply from you by, by training you if you're growing up with them. You know, if your mother is like that and you're a kid, your. Your mentality is. Is. Is warped. You know, your. Your sense of self is gone because they don't want you to be yourself. They want you to be for them, you know, so. And one of the main ways for me to re. For. To realize that about my mother is when I got married, you know, for one, there was a lot of pushback. When I get. When I had kids, there was another, like, another thing. Like she was just ignoring the things that I had set the boundaries that I had set for myself, my family, my kids.
[00:02:15] She was ignoring the boundaries.
[00:02:17] And it reminded me of all those years where she was ignoring boundaries. And I just, I was. I. It was normal. I was like, oh, okay, this is. I guess this is how. It's how it is having a mom. This is how it's supposed to be, because my mother was. Was not in my life until I was a teenager. My stepmother and my father were the ones that raised me. And I feel a lot of regret of leaving their house and going to live with my real mom because it was bad for me, because my mother was a narcissist. She would. Her whole world was like that. And I learned those ways that she. That. That she taught, and I thought it was normal. Oh, this is how my mom is. I had to accept it, you know, and I did for years.
[00:03:03] And I just got to the point where I realized, like, when I got married and had my own life, I moved out of her house and I had. I had my own life, my own apartment. And then I. I got married, and then I had started having a life with my wife and then kids. And then after having all that, I realized. And studying narcissism, you know, through teachers on YouTube, doctors on YouTube, I realized that I needed to. To cut ties, like, to. To. To go no contact with my mom, for one, because I needed to heal. And I didn't know this at the time, but later on I'm like, okay, that's why I needed to go. One of the reasons why I needed to go no contact is so that I can heal. Right?
[00:03:44] And so much change has happened to me since then. My sense of self. I'm getting my sense of self back from when I was. I was a young. You know, from when I was a teenager, you know, my sense of self that I learned from my dad and my stepmom.
[00:03:59] And a lot of those. Those bonds, you know, those.
[00:04:04] Those trauma bonds that I had from. From being in a relationship with my mother, who's his narcissist.
[00:04:10] They're being broken. They're being. They're being realized. And then. And I'm. I'm. I'm learning, and I'm learning still to be the person that I want to be, you know, a good father, a good husband, a good person in the workplace, you know, so being able to make that decision is so freeing. If. If you're dealing with that, like, thinking about going no contact with a mother or a father or a family member, you're probably right in doing so. And it's going to feel very weird at first because they've trained you up until that, that if you act a certain way, you're gonna get punished for it or you're gonna. There's gonna be repercussions for it. That's why it's weird, because we're trained in a certain way, but whenever we decide to make decisions for ourselves, which was the original thing we, we should have done as kids, which our parents should have let us do as kids. If they're. We have narcissistic parents.
[00:05:04] We never had a chance to. To build that muscle of making our own choices.
[00:05:09] So when we're older, making our own choices at an older age is.
[00:05:16] It's difficult because it's outside of the norm. It's outside of that narcissistic relationship. But I'm telling you, when you decide to make that change, it's freeing, right? For one and two, on the flip side of that, there's going to be all kinds of pushback from your, from your parents, from your cousins, from your friends or whoever that narcissist you're deciding to go. No contact with or avoid. There's going to be pushback. They're going to be like, why? And they're going to want. They're going to kick and scream.
[00:05:49] Not physically, but. But. But through the tactics they used to use, they're going to try to use them on you again so that you can change your mind.
[00:05:57] My mother gaslit me.
[00:06:00] My. My. My wife, she said some ugly things to my wife, some ugly things about my kids.
[00:06:07] And these are the things that you need to get prepared for because it's going to happen when, when we choose to be ourselves, when we choose our. Our. Who we want to be, when we make choices based upon that. Those people that have been controlling us through all our years or, you know, have been training us all our years to be for them, there's. There's going to be str. There's going to be because. Because they're losing supply. We've been giving them. Them supp. That supply all our years, all that time, and when that supply is gone, they need it. So like, for instance, when I went no contact with my mom, she was giving me, you know, trying to gaslight me and tell me that I'm wrong and this and that, right. Eventually it got to the point where she finally figured out, right, he's made his decision, whatever. She moved on, right?
[00:06:59] She found another source of supply, whether it be from her husband or people at church or wherever. Wherever she's getting supply, she's getting it from there. And then every now and then, she didn't cut. Like, if that. If that's supply runs out, she'll come back to me to try to get more to get that supply that she was used to be used to getting. She sends text messages. I blocked her phone number because the text messages She's a Christian, quote unquote. And she uses that tries to use scripture to make me feel bad, to guilt trip me. It's like, no, I, I know the scripture you're showing and you're basically like it says in, in.
[00:07:36] I think it's First Corinthians or Second Corinthians. That a person that you know, they're just quoting scripture but their lifestyle doesn't reflect it. It's like a noisy gong. It's, it's, it's annoying and that's, that's the vibe that I'm getting from my mom. So anyway, she comes back for supply and then I get to tell her no and then she goes, she goes find supplies somewhere else. I got two brothers. She gets it from either one of them too. As you can imagine the dynamic in that family in, in the family of two of three boys, which is me, I'm the mid child. I got a, a younger brother and an older brother.
[00:08:12] Narcissist will wreak havoc on a household that has multiple children because they'll train them at a young age to be for them and not for themselves, which is opposite. You need to train them to be for themselves and not for you. I hope this helps you guys in your journey and navigating the people that are narcissists around you. Hopefully it helps. This is just my experience and I still deal with it every so often. So appreciate you guys. Have a good one. Bye.
