Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] The main topic today for me was talking about narcissism and having a narcissistic mother and going no contact with a narcissistic mother.
[00:00:10] So it's been some years, maybe two or three years, maybe four years, maybe five. No, it's been a while, five plus years that I didn't said no contact, decided to go no contact with my mother. And so far it's been great. It's been great. I've learned a lot about myself in those years.
[00:00:31] All. It's like I'm realizing all those years that I was living with my mother could have been. It feels like time wasted, you know what I mean? To be honest, because I'm finding myself after going no contact.
[00:00:49] The self that I wanted to be when I was with my, living with my mother, I was not allowed to be because of her, because of the way she was, if that makes sense. So when I. It's free. It was freeing. It's freeing, you know what I mean? Because you, you, you learn to become who you want to be, you know, as a husband, as a, as a father, as a personal friend. You know, different stuff like that. Because think about it, you grow up with a narcissistic person, they're always telling you like, no, do it this way. No, don't do it that way, do it this way. You know what I mean? And that's not to be confused with parenting. That is good parenting. That is like, okay, if you touch that stove, you're gonna get burned. That type of parenting. No, the narcissistic parenting is like, you do it this way for me, to make me feel better. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, the narcissistic child becomes responsible for the, you know, the parent, the narcissistic parent, the child of a narcissistic parent is, is kind of being bent to make the parent feel, the parents feelings feel better. I'm not trying to explain it, but if you get what I'm saying, like they're, they're teaching you, they're disciplining you in a way that makes them feel better.
[00:02:12] Not so much to help keep you from doing the wrong thing or, you know, the right discipline, which is the discipline that I got from my father. Because my, my father and my mother are divorced. You know, they've been divorced for years. I live with my father all the way up until my teen years. That's when I went to start living with my mother. So when I look back, I think I thank my father and my stepmother for how they raised me because that's how I'm raising my kids. Like, no, you're not responsible for my feelings.
[00:02:48] And, and if I do find, because, because I, there's stuff that I picked up and that I learned from my mother, my narcissist mother on how to be.
[00:02:57] And I found myself doing that to my kids. I'm like, oh no, that's like how my mother did it. And it's, that's not the right way to do it. And you know, go back to the topic of going, no contact with my mother. I also had that for my family, my kids. I, I don't want my kids to be around her because I know she's going to want to bend them toward making her feel good about herself. And I'm like, nuh, you're not gonna do that to my kids. I'm not, I'm not gonna let you do that. What you did to me. I'm not gonna let you do that to my kids. But I do want them to have a relationship with my father who is not narcissistic. You know what I mean? He's, he's a. As far as, I mean, what I've seen is a good person, you know, I mean, people may see different stuff just like me. People may see different stuff about me that, you know, I mean, but I want my kids to have a relationship with my father. So that's just my little ramble on that.
[00:03:52] More stuff. Ongoing, no contact with the mother. At first, there's a lot of pushback. Like all these videos talk about, you're gonna be gas lit. They're going to be talked about, man. My mom had a lot of pushback. She said a lot of nasty stuff to my, my, my wife about my kids and me. Oh, it was stuff I never would have expected my mother to say.
[00:04:16] And then it's like, okay, once you go, decide to go no contact, then you see the real person who they are.
[00:04:23] You start to see the real person who they are. And it's like, dude, I can't believe. And it's, and it's. Sometimes it's upsetting because you're like, damn, I wasted all those years living with my mom, learning how she wanted me to be.
[00:04:38] Sometimes it's like, damn, like, I'm not gonna get that time back, you know? But of course, we're not supposed to dwell on that, you know, I don't dwell on it. Every, every now and then it comes back, I'm like, damn, I got wasted that time. I could have been doing this, could have been doing that, you know, but that's how. That's just how life is. We learn as we go.
[00:04:59] So. Yeah, I hope that helps out you guys. Stay tuned for some more videos. Talk to you later. Bye.
